I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
