mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
