I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
