I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
