I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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