walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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