Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
