Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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