so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
