you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
