first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
