My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
