and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
