I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize