So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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