hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
