I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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