At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
