its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
