all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
