We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
