On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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