Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize