The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
