no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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