last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
