i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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