will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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