Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
