I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
