You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize