$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
