there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
