you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize