it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
