did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
