you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
