I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drake has all the answers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
