weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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