I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
