no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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