were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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