I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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