i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
