She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
