i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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