We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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