And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
