You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
