Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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