I heard we made out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
