So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
