this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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