I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize