I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
