you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
