are you so shy because you have an std?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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