Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
