listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
