what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My penis needs a shock collar
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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