the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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