My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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