Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
