K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
