This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
